Clergy & phenomenon of marriage matchmaking.

The Bible verse also means that whoever is blessed enough should understand that every good gift is given by God and the greatest treasure a man can have is his wife.

Theologians say an ideal wife is loyal, merry, capable, strong and the perfect helper of her husband. 

Given the importance of a wife in a man’s life, how a man and a woman decide to become spouses cannot be overemphasised.

 Since a wife is a gift from God, a man, husband, by extrapolation, is therefore also a gift to his wife. 

Therefore, theologians also say God can use several avenues and means to reveal a wife to a husband and vice versa. They say, He can use coincidences, chance encounters, or common interests to guide individuals toward their life partner. Confirmation from the Holy Spirit, they say, is another way God can reveal a life partner. The Holy Spirit can prompt and guide individuals, providing peace and assurance about someone.

However, there is a rising phenomenon among the clergy who are matchmaking couples within their churches or religious denominations. 

In some extreme cases, there are some non-denominational Christian churches that require all members to "marry by faith", meaning the pastor chooses who gets married to who. 

It is now common to hear a pastor claiming he or she had a revelation from God saying this or that ‘sister’ and ‘brother’ should marry each other. 

Most often, these matchmakings come to fruition as the persons concerned follow the ‘spiritual prescription’ of their pastor for fear of ‘incurring the wrath’ of God who made the “revelation” to the pastor.

This phenomenon has, in other instances, taken another twist, where a member of a congregation who admires a man or lady as the case may be, goes to the pastor, who may then make a statement during church service saying God has revealed to him that the two should get married. 

This is not in any way saying that the clergy who are involved in such matchmaking are not always saying the truth. Far from it. 

In as much as some of the marriages that came to be because the pastor said it was revealed to him or her by God have witnessed marital bliss, others have ended up crumbling. Whether this was because of divine providence is a matter for conjecture.

Pastor turns down purported revelation from God

Meanwhile, some Christians, mostly in the mushrooming Pentecostal Churches, are cashing in on the phenomenon. It is now common to see a congregant, during testimony time, going to the pulpit to deliver a testimony, disclosing that God revealed to him or her that he or she should get married to this or that ‘sister’ or ‘brother’ of the congregation.

Some of these have come to pass as the congregation shouted halleluiah and marriage proceedings went ahead.

However, there was an intriguing scenario years back in a church in Limbe, Fako Division of the South West Region. 

The General Overseer of the church is a onetime prominent personality of the Limbe community. He is a wealthy man.

During a church service, a young man, who had been worshipping in the church for some time, stood up during testimony and claimed he had received a revelation from the Holy Spirit to marry the daughter of the General Overseer. 

But the General Overseer refused vehemently, insisting that the Holy Spirit should also reveal that to him. It should be noted that the young man in question was from a family that was not well-to-do. 

However, not long before this incident, the same General Overseer had endorsed another marriage after another young man had made a similar declaration, saying the Holy Spirit had revealed his wife to him in the Church.

It remains uncertain if the General Overseer had turned down the purported revelation 'from the Holy Spirit' because it concerned his own daughter and man from a poor family. 

“My situation with church interpreter”

A wealthy banker in Douala, who did not want to be named, recounted how his pastor tried to coerce him to marry the interpreter of the church, whom he did not love. 

“After I was transferred to Douala, I began worshiping in a church not far from my home (name withheld). I contributed generously to all church projects. Sometimes after, the pastor introduced me to the church interpreter (a lady) for a relationship, saying God had revealed to him that we were compatible and that she was going to be of great help,” he narrated.

“The lady willfully accepted the pastor’s proposal, but I refused, saying I had to make a choice of mine and not led by the pastor,” he disclosed.

He added that: “When I didn’t buy into the pastor’s attempted matchmaking for the lady and I to get married, his attitude towards me later became cold. I finally stopped worshipping in the said church and went to another church”. 

“Nothing wrong with pastors arranging marriages”

For her part, Fru Evelyn, a seamstress in Kumba, sees nothing wrong with the clergy matchmaking couples within the same congregation.

“Yes, the Bible says he who finds a wife, finds a good thing. That doesn't mean people can't introduce people to others; but their involvement should stop at the introduction. The would-be couple should then take it from there and see if they are compatible with each other or not,” she said. 

“Any praying and convictions should be from the parties involved; no third party should tell anyone to marry anyone because God said so. That's not biblical. Moreover, after taking a spouse ‘ordained’ by the pastor, does the pastor get to live with the spouse? The decision for a partner is not the pastor's, not your mother’s, not your father’s, not the prophet's but yours and your spouse’s,” she insisted.

Church elders not left out

In the meantime, the general hierarchical chain in the church setup is also involved in marriage matchmaking.

Solange Lyonga, an unmarried teacher in Yaounde, recounted an experience in a church where she was told her future “husband” was in the church.

“A few months ago, I was invited by a friend and his wife to their son’s baptism.  Before the day was done, I had so-called church elders coming up to me claiming they got visions, right there and then, that my ‘husband’ was among the congregants,” she disclosed. 

A pathetic case

Nde Ebenezer in Bamenda recounted a pathetic case of his cousin.

“This marriage matchmaking issue in churches is real. I will never forgive the pastor who brainwashed my cousin and led her into marriage at the age of 19 to a haggard-looking bricklayer. All our family members were against it but because of the effects of total brainwashing, everything fell on deaf ears,” he said almost in tears.

“That cousin of mine got married to the man whom the pastor said had been ‘revealed to him by God’. Today, my cousin is regretting why she fell for the so-called revelation,” Nde added. 

“Church should guide, not match-make couples”

For his part, a pastor of a Pentecostal church in Mutengene, who did not want to be named, says he is against the issue of pastors matchmaking couples.

“The choice of partner in marriage is too trivial to be the concern of God’s church. It's personal to the couple. What the church needs to do is to guide those who have chosen each other, otherwise the church becomes responsible for the couples’ problems eventually,” he said.

“That's not the objectives of the church. The church's role is principally preaching the gospel and winning souls. It's the overzealousness of some church leaders that makes them interfere in choosing partners for their congregants! Even a pastor isn't sure he or she made the right choice in his or her own marriage. So, why choose for others when it's clearly the biblical definition that a man shall find his wife?” he questioned.

This story was first published in The Guardian Post issue No:3202 of Sunday August 18, 2024